I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize