So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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