so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
