Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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