My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
