Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
