So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
