We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
