I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
