I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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