In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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