My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
