Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
