i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My bed smells like the plague
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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