your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
