My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize