I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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