he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
