Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
