she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
