why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
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so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize