are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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