some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
