just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i out mim tonsoeep
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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