Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
