Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
