Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
