I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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