i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
