I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
