My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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