I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have post one night stand depression
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