Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
