I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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