you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
