I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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