I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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