eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
