Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
