I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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