Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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