what day is it and did you see me today?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had sex on a roof
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
