I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
