I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize