If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
