wakey wakey hands off snakey
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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