it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your cock deserves a montage
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
