mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
