You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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