I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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