someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize