The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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