Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
