how do flat chested girls get laid?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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