i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
