I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
