When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
