you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
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she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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