Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
