dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
