apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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