Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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